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who doesn’t?

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

My brains hurt from trying to translate and decipher dreaded tax forms. No kidding, it took me 4 hours. I don’t know what I wanted to link to or talk about this week so I’ll tell you a true story that is better than any fractured fairy tale out there. Disclaimer: If you watched the Discovery Channel’s Life series (the insects one) you can stop reading as I’m just reiterating a japanese red beetle saga depicted on the show.

Okay here goes….

Once upon a time there was a Momma red beetle and a bunch of hungry kids living in a hidy hole in the earth. One day Momma B goes out to get the kids a delicious berry. She finds a spot where some tasty fruit has fallen and carefully climbs up each berry, poking it with her many hands and feet to find one that is plump and ripe. She finally finds the perfect berry and wraps some of her arms around it and begins to drag it home. She is quite pleased with herself!

Suddenly, the berry seems heavier…then it feels like it’s trying to get away…alas, it is Ghetto red beetle who is too lazy to find her own berry (even though there are plenty) and decides she’ll just take Momma’s. A fight ensues. Ghetto beetle has been around the block a few times and is no stranger to a brawl. She wears down Momma B and struts off with the stolen fruit. Poor Momma must make the long journey home without any fruit or go back and start over.

In the meantime, Momma B’s little ones are cranky and tired of waiting so they make a big decision. They are going to leave the hidey hole and venture into the world. On their journey they come across another hidey hole with a bunch of baby red beetles just like them inside. They decide to just move on in and hope no one notices. Before long who should come down the hidey hole but Ghetto Beetle dragging the stolen berry behind her! It seems Momma B’s perfectly picked fruit will get into her children’s tummies after all.

But wait! There are twice as many kids now and only one piece of fruit. It’s not enouh! The children push and shove and climb on top of Ghetto Beetle demanding more. She shoves them away but there are too many and so she abides them and ventures out to acquire more fruit. Every time she returns and feeds them, they demand more and she has to turn right back around to hunt for another berry. Before long Ghetto Beetle dies of exhaustion and is eaten by the children.

Karma, much like Ghetto Beetle, is a real bitch.


Don’t forget this Saturday is Camille Leone at the Ritz Ybor. I’ll be there with art jewelry, GingerDead cards and prints and a few new works in clay. There will be over 80 artists on display, fashion, music, performance art…all in all a pretty badass event. Hope to see you there!

<3 calan

8 Responses to “who doesn’t?”

  1. Seraphine Says:

    lester the bunny
    moves in with ghetto beetle
    and shares his taffy

    come baby beetles
    hungry-arsed little boogers
    they want taffy too

    lester notices
    pupal skin on the carpet
    his ears start itching

    ghetto beetle squats
    and lays some more beetle eggs
    taffy disappears

    lester leaves the hidey hole
    a voice follows him

    don’t come back without
    some more ‘dat berry-flavored
    saltwater taffy

  2. Darlene Says:

    Lol i love mamma b’s kids but the ghetto one has is it coming. but dont feel bad about your taxes my mom has to do it everyday of the week. i still know nothing about a computer, onternet, or emailing so idk how to send you any of my body art and i wish i could show you but alas i’m a idiot srry calan :*( well I’ll talk to you next week.

  3. anne van atta Says:

    lester the bunny
    has sweet rabbit teeth challenged
    by this confection

  4. Jerus Says:

    I need help could someone email a place which will make a personalized black rabbit plush with red eyes completely personalized even imperfections.

  5. Jerus Says:

    i forgot my email address phoenixjerusbg@aol.com

  6. calan ree Says:

    jerus you should search etsy for plush and find an artist whose style you like and then contact them direct. there are a bunch of awesome plush creators on there.

    oh wait there’s also the alchemy thing on etsy. that’s your best bet i think. it’s where you describe what you want and artists who take alchemy requests will sort of bid on it…i think. something like that. be sure to be clear that this is just a one time creation for your personal use. if it is a prototype or something you want to sell, be sure to disclose that.

    good luck!

  7. Chance Says:

    L is for Lapin.
    L is for Leporidae.
    L is for Lester.

  8. coraline Says:

    hahahaha red beattle is funnny in the end it got eaten by the children… i wonder how it tasted….:)

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