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birthday clown fatality

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

Clown related deaths and injuries occur most frequently on birthdays.  Of course, this is primarily due to the increased likelihood of encountering a clown on one’s birthday.  While this likelihood progressively drops after the age 5, the scary truth is that you run a much higher risk of clown contact on your birthday than any other day of the year no matter what age you are.  That means that your happy day could end in trauma, dismemberment, disfigurement or yes, even death.  So if you happen to be celebrating your birthday today like I am, by all means have fun, but keep an eye out for clowns.

So I told my mom that for today’s comic, I was making myself a birthday card.  She got this odd expression on her face that I misread as sympathy and felt like a big fat loser, but it turned out to be the proverbial lightbulb going on above her head.  She thought of a card to make for me and decided to give it a whirl.  The saying she wrote had to do with getting some things mixed up (we both confuse our right and left sides) but being certain that I was an awesome daughter.  (I know what you’re thinking and it rhymes with paw and I’m virtually blushing and stuff.)  Anyway, this week, I’m not featuring a badass dark artist or film or musician.  This week you get my mom in MS Paint because it’s my birthday and I’m taking it easy.  🙂

happy birthday by calan's mom

I find that little pink shoe so adorable it’s ridiculous.  My mom thinks she ‘can’t draw’ and shies away from even doodling which makes this little card extra special.  🙂

Today’s comic will definitely be added to the GingerDead goth and alternative greeting card collection by Friday.  As always, your haiku are most welcome.  If you want to do something super cool for my birthday, mail me a couple cases of astronaut icecream (yum!!).  If that’s a bit much, you can always stumble, digg or just pass my url to a friend.  Spreading my little comic across the world faster than a pandemic is really all a girl could wish for.

<3 calan

20 Responses to “birthday clown fatality”

  1. Jim Morey Says:


    happy birthday to
    you happy birthday to you
    happy birthday to

    calan happy birth
    day to you and many more
    you are loved gorgeous!

  2. calan Says:

    my love for you outweighs my hate for the birthday song, so i will thank you instead of clobbering you, my love. 🙂

  3. Richard Says:

    Another year down
    Another day star-gazing
    Another dream found

    Happy day to you, Calan!

  4. Seraphine Says:

    clown thinks he’s funny
    until he looks at your mom
    pink shoe wins hands down

    your mom is very special. i can see where you got your creativity. she might think she’s not good at “drawing” but i think if she actually spent time drawing that she’d be pleasantly surprised.

    wishing you happy
    pinch for luck, birthday pinch pinch
    a big lucky bruise

  5. Seraphine Says:

    the dead don’t bruise
    skin hard as marble
    beautiful white skin flaking to dust
    birthday cake uneaten
    yesterday’s lust
    snooze you loose

  6. matthew Says:

    Once again i am laughing up a storm from Seraphine. That first Haiku is too funny. Wish i had thought of it 🙂

    I have to say, your mom rocks! That is truly cool to have a card made for you. And to hell with not being good at drawing. That picture is awesome.

    Happy B-day! Have yourself a great time. I love the birthday card you made. I will get some when they become available.

    Presents torn to shreds
    Clown based carnage all around
    Yep its your birthday

    Clowns may be awful
    and terribly disturbing
    but mimes are PURE EVIL.

  7. justme Says:

    balloon animals,
    face-paint and silly costume:
    harbingers of doom

    You know what’s funnier than clowns? Besides just about everything funny? The fact that someone keeps statistics on clown-related fatalities. Or maybe that’s not so much funny, as disturbing. Like clowns.

    I think clowns should be mentioned here:


    “If you see something that… looks human and isn’t, you keep your eyes on it and you feel for your hatchet.”
    – Mr. Beaver, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

    Happy birthyday, Calan, and have your hatchet within reach at all times!

    Love your mom’s card. She has a real gift. Sera’s got it right–we can see where you got it from.

  8. Monkeybones Says:

    Joyeux anniversaire
    You survived another year
    evading clown-death.

    Please live forever
    Your services are much

  9. Amazigh Says:

    well fudge it’s my birthday too.
    Hope you had a good day.

    And just wanted to say that your comic is great.

  10. Gabe Says:

    When the clowns come….and they will….bash them with that pink shoe.

    Enjoy your day.

  11. coolioness Says:


    *runs away*

    The squeak of their red
    noses, a lullaby straight
    into nightmareland.

    The little pink shoe is simply adorable.

    (To the tune of death, da da da DA daaaa)

    Oh Happy Birthday…
    Oh Happy Birthday….
    One year closer to DEATH
    oh Happy birthday….!

    Yes, strange, but please, death is not apporpriate for me! (My birthday was a couple weeks ago, I’m good for the “close to death” part!)

  12. calan Says:

    thanks for all the wishes, haiku and comments!

    gabe, i’m still chuckling at the thought of bashing clowns with that adorable pink shoe.

    justme – that article is totally interesting. that creepy masked burger king guy came to mind immediately. human but not quite is definitely more disturbing than completely not human. as for the statistics…i kinda made those up but don’t tell anyone!

    hugs to you all!

    <3 calan

  13. Karen Says:

    Black and white clowns spring
    from creepy chasms of mirth —
    beware the balloon.

    Happy hatching day, dear Calan!

  14. Chance Abattoir Says:

    Happy fucking birthday. 🙂

  15. Lynda Says:

    Happy belated birthday! Your mom is a fabulous artist, I see where you get it from. Love the shoe!

  16. justme Says:

    calan – I’ve been told “gullible” isn’t in the dictionary, but I don’t believe that because I happen to know if you look it up you’ll see my picture. 🙂

    Someone really ought to be keeping statistics on clown-related fatalities, though. Like the CDC or NIH or someone like that. Otherwise how will we know how big the problem really is?

  17. Amanda Says:

    I am terrified of clowns but only because I know so many. Once you’ve seen a clown without its make up on it makes it 10 times scarier than before…. Happy birthday Calan I haikued last week for it because I wasn’t sure i’d make it on this week but heres a bonus one

    Celebrate a death
    and mourn a birth but yours is
    special so enjoy

    my grandmother has a quirky saying Celebrate a death mourn a birth. We’ve been using it a lot around the family because there is a certain member that we wish would get hit by a bus… *he really deserves it dont ask* but as unusual as it is i thought i’d share.

  18. UnconsciousINK Says:

    i hate clowns.. so so much.

  19. calan Says:

    karen – that’s a fantastic haiku

    ty chance and lynda

    justme – you’re not gullible. it’s because i used my super-duper official ‘voice’ and i’m not usually a big fat fibber!

    amanda – that saying is familiar to me as well…not sure from whom but i’ve heard it before and i want to say it’s rooted in superstition as if by celebrating a birth we tempt fates or evil spirits to bring on death? maybe i’m making that up, but i don’t think so.

    the celebration of death is more common in various cultures. my fave being the mexican day of the dead celebration, of course. (hence the sugar skull art i do) part of the celebratory attitude is not only because you believe the spirit is in a good place, but that you don’t want to piss it off either. the decorative skulls with flowers and colors indicates the spirit’s happiness. plain skulls would indicate a very depressing dark afterlife which no one wants for their departed loved ones.

    anyway, it’s an interesting saying and thank you for the haiku bday wishes 🙂

    UnconsciousINK – clowns want to hug you. really really really hard.

  20. Adam_Y Says:

    *over comes crippling fear of clowns to say*


    …and may you rock for many more years to come.

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