Oh, what a disappointed Calan am I! My friend reminded me that this was the time of year I promised myself to go paper frog gathering. Last year, on my nightly walks, I noticed these little dried up frogs. Perfectly flat. Semi-translucent white. Darling little dehydrated specimens just begging to be incorporated into some art. I had finally decided to go gather them when they all disappeared. So, when my friend reminded me this year, I was so excited.
Last night, I headed out armed with a small plastic ziploc baggy and tweezers, my brain all all a twitter with ideas, but alas not a paper frog to be found. I fear the torrential rains we have been having here have swept them away. Cruel, cruel nature.
While I was out walking the perimeter of a nearby pond, this guy rolls up in a van and asks me if I need a ride somewhere. He was young and sounded like Mister Rogers. I was sort of stunned that anyone would thing a female that’s survived this long would even consider getting in some guys van, no matter how effeminate he sounded. I declined and as he slowly rolled away, I realized I missed a golden opportunity. I should have answered, “Oh no thank you, I’m gathering frog carcasses!” It’s so rewarding to creep out the creepy. Sigh.
Not two minutes later, a fat, balding man with a Russian accent pulled up in, you guessed it, a van and asked directions to the nearest schoolyard. O.o It was around 8pm so I don’t know what the hell he hoped to find in the schoolyard but I shrugged and kept walking. Once again missing an opportunity to say, “Leave me alone Mister. Can’t you see I’m foraging for dead frogs?!”
By the way, you are probably imagining the frogs are flat because they have been run over. I certainly did. I figured it must have been some sort of hatching time and the lil guys were hopping out of the pond and into the neighborhood in droves. It would stand to reason a few dozen would get flattened. But, no. I was telling my Mom about my search and she said, “Oh yes, paper frogs! When I took out a wall in the house there were literally hundreds of them in the walls.” Another opportunity missed.
So, if you happen to live in Florida tear down a wall or two and send me a sack o’ dried frogs would ya? I’ll send you a bumper sticker or something. Thanks!
K, I’m going to go drown my sorrows in the Gulf of Mexico. Be good. Don’t trust the Man in the Van. See you next week.