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free candy (haiku)

Wednesday, June 18th, 2008

Oh, what a disappointed Calan am I! My friend reminded me that this was the time of year I promised myself to go paper frog gathering. Last year, on my nightly walks, I noticed these little dried up frogs. Perfectly flat. Semi-translucent white. Darling little dehydrated specimens just begging to be incorporated into some art. I had finally decided to go gather them when they all disappeared. So, when my friend reminded me this year, I was so excited.

Last night, I headed out armed with a small plastic ziploc baggy and tweezers, my brain all all a twitter with ideas, but alas not a paper frog to be found. I fear the torrential rains we have been having here have swept them away. Cruel, cruel nature.

While I was out walking the perimeter of a nearby pond, this guy rolls up in a van and asks me if I need a ride somewhere. He was young and sounded like Mister Rogers. I was sort of stunned that anyone would thing a female that’s survived this long would even consider getting in some guys van, no matter how effeminate he sounded. I declined and as he slowly rolled away, I realized I missed a golden opportunity. I should have answered, “Oh no thank you, I’m gathering frog carcasses!” It’s so rewarding to creep out the creepy. Sigh.

Not two minutes later, a fat, balding man with a Russian accent pulled up in, you guessed it, a van and asked directions to the nearest schoolyard. O.o It was around 8pm so I don’t know what the hell he hoped to find in the schoolyard but I shrugged and kept walking. Once again missing an opportunity to say, “Leave me alone Mister. Can’t you see I’m foraging for dead frogs?!”

By the way, you are probably imagining the frogs are flat because they have been run over. I certainly did. I figured it must have been some sort of hatching time and the lil guys were hopping out of the pond and into the neighborhood in droves. It would stand to reason a few dozen would get flattened. But, no. I was telling my Mom about my search and she said, “Oh yes, paper frogs! When I took out a wall in the house there were literally hundreds of them in the walls.” Another opportunity missed.

So, if you happen to live in Florida tear down a wall or two and send me a sack o’ dried frogs would ya? I’ll send you a bumper sticker or something. Thanks!

K, I’m going to go drown my sorrows in the Gulf of Mexico. Be good. Don’t trust the Man in the Van. See you next week.
<3 calan

14 Responses to “free candy (haiku)”

  1. Gabe Says:

    rumbling to a stop
    a harmless looking fellow
    proffers my last jaunt

  2. lucyyfur Says:

    They are finding feet and discussing missing boys where I live …maybe its was all just the mysterous candy man in the van !!..yes I am serious 4 right feet and on monday a left foot was found all in the same area on the coast of B.C Canada just outside of Vancouver!

  3. calan Says:


    *looks at Gabe suspiciously*

    take any trips to B.C. lately?

  4. calan Says:

    here’s more on the severed feet washing ashore in British Columbia –

    best line – ” Like all the others, it was encased in a running shoe, sock on.”

  5. mullaney Says:

    The window rolls down,
    a stranger with a warm smile
    beckons you inside.

    What wondrous things
    await adventurous youth
    who journey inside!

    Just a warm ride home?
    The promise of new friendship?
    Delicious sweet treats?

    Daylight is waning,
    A chance to seize the unknown?
    One way to find out.

  6. calan Says:

    or a chance to be seized? :O

    great poem mullaney, ty!

  7. Amanda Says:

    I’ve lived in the tampa area all my life and i’ve never seen a paper frog but we get the huge *size of my fist* columbian tree frogs at my mom’s place one was so large that he scared the cat. It was significantly drier last year could the frogs your looking for have just simply dehydrated? if thats the case you may have issues finding em this year with the crazy rain of doom.

  8. calan Says:

    maybe it was the weather last year. i’m really not sure. the fact my mom found hundreds in her wall when she was working on the house 6 years ago or more makes me think maybe it’s a yearly thing. i’m going to keep my eyes peeled. 🙂

    tree frogs are super cute! one jumped in my beach bag once in St. John. I had just got done comforting my scaredy cat friend saying, ‘ oh they’re more afraid of you, etc. ‘ when the lil guy jumped right at us. hehe!

  9. justme Says:

    little cookie boy
    won’t you join me in my van?
    I have sweets for you….

    gee, thanks, mister! wow.
    you’ve got yummy stuff in here!
    wait, what is that–milk?!


    just remember, kids–
    there ain’t no such thing as a
    free lunch (or candy).

  10. calan Says:

    threesies! thanks justme 🙂

  11. Seraphine Says:

    the man in the van
    offering eyebrow candy
    loves those dead frogs too

  12. Blue Blood Says:

    Thought you might want to see the mention:

    Gingerdead Free Candy and Paper Frogs


  13. calan Says:

    hey thanks Blue Blood Magazine!

    i found out the paper frogs were actually under the shingle thingies outside which were discovered when she was re-siding the house. that makes me feel a bit better. i was imagining hundreds of thirsty frogs living in the walls. 🙁

    still no sign of them on the streets. it just keeps raining buckets. *shakes fist at the sky*

    i’m not giving up!

  14. gingerdead.com » Archive » freaky forecast Says:

    […] I have frogs on the brain again.  Still no sign of the magickal mystical paper frogs of last summer, but Jim’s mom actually saved me a frog carcass she found.  I’m officially in love with her now as well as her son.  The carcass is cute and crumbly, kinda like a cookie!  I’m still deciding what I want to do with it, but I have a few ideas. Currently, I’m watching it decay. […]

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