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just say no

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008

I know it’s a cliche, but the fact remains: Clowns scare the bejesus out of me. Did I ever tell you about Hector? Hector was this incredibly creepy clown decanter. It used to hold wine I think but that was way before we had it. My mom loved it because it was really old and from Italy and she probably got it from my Grandmother or considered it a great garage sale find, but once he was in, he was part of the family for good. I was just a small child and his wide-eyed maniacal grin and pointy black eyebrows really terrified me.

To make matters worse, Hector seemed to live in two places. He was either on the tank behind the toilet leering at you while you peed or he was in the linen closet peeking at you from the darkness. Both places were bad in my opinion, but at least in the linen closet I could throw a towel over his head and pretend I didn’t know what that menacing lump was.

Hector continued to freak me out well into my teens. My girlfriend and I named him Hector at some point perhaps to humanize him and make him less freaky. When I was alone I would talk to him in an attempt to fool him into thinking he didn’t scare me. I pretended I was all cool with his existence and we were pals, but all the while my heart was racing. I’m not sure whatever happened to him but at some point he just seemed to disappear. I have to admit I sort of miss him. At the very least, having his photo would be nice. I hunted all over the internet for something that resembled him, but I guess whoever else had a Hector in their life chose to destroy it rather than take it’s photo and see how much it would fetch on eBay.
Hector isn’t what inspired the comic today. Actually, drawing the comic brought him back in to consciousness. What inspired me was last night, Jim and I were googling old carnival posters to get some ideas for his website. There is some really fantastic creepy art work on those things. Maybe it also came from the fact I’m just finishing up the first season of HBO’s Carnivale. Believe it or not, I’ve never watched it until now. Anyway, I have carnivals and circuses on the brain, so you get clowns and a circus haiku.
Here’s some cool sideshow posters.
<3 calan

27 Responses to “just say no”

  1. Seraphine Says:

    Clowns are funny from a distance. At circuses,
    beeping horns, their big feet making them
    awkward and silly. But up close, when you
    can see the makeup, the shabby-worn outfit,
    the truth behind the clown, that’s when the
    clown becomes scary and discomfortable.

    it’s really my face
    dabbed with paints, inhuman eyes
    the wrinkled behind

  2. Mondayne Says:

    There’s a reason you haven’t watched Carnivale yet… namely that, until now, you have not hated yourself enough. It’s one of the best shows ever made, but the way it ends (or doesn’t) may very well drive you into a murderous/suicidal rage, that said, have fun with it.

  3. calan Says:

    ooh i love that haiku, sera! and you’re right, the closer they are the creepier the clown becomes.

  4. calan Says:

    welcome Mondayne. I’ll lock the sharp knives up when I get to the end of season 2. thanks for the heads up. It can’t be any worse than how Deadwood simply stopped. No ending at all. I’m still hoping for another season.

  5. Mondayne Says:

    Oh, don’t get me started on Deadwood… I was a little distraught when Wild Bill died (I don’t expect them to re-write history) but he was pretty awesome. Luckily Sway-gin stepped up and surpassed ‘Ol Bill reaching indescribable heights of “woo-ha!”-ness. I truly would like to reassure you, as in “Oh, you’re right Calan, it couldn’t possibly be any worse than that”, but I would be lying.
    I think HBO has made it their personal goal to be my TV viewing torment. Carnivale, Deadwood, Sopranos, Rome, there are more, all leaving bitter ashes in the special places I had built for them in my heart. *sigh*

    Also, since I don’t suppose I’ll ever be famous for my prose:
    Here is the best Haiku I’ve ever written.

    Yesterday is gone.
    Tomorrow will likely come.
    So far, it’s a rule.


  6. Jim in Tx Says:

    My younger sister was terrified of clowns as a child (she was born in the mid-1960s.)

    A couple of years ago, I found & sent her a t-shirt for her birthday with this legend on its front:

    Can’t sleep; clowns will eat me…
    Can’t sleep; clowns will eat me…
    Can’t sleep; clowns will eat me…
    Can’t sleep; clowns will eat me…

    She was amused.

  7. calan Says:


    I know what you mean. At least 6 feet Under ended with death, death, death! I thought it was appropriate. 🙂

    Your haiku is great. Truly. It’s humorous but kinda deep too. I’m of the mind set to live in the now as much as possible. Anyway, thanks for sharing.

  8. calan Says:

    Jim – Welcome. 🙂 I’ve seen those t-shirts. In Second Life ( an online virtual world ) someone made an animation for that. It has the avatar curl up into a ball and rock and stuff while that text appears in chat. Hehe.

  9. justme Says:

    circus memories
    childhood terrors and delights

  10. Gabe Says:

    cheerful ensemble
    makeup fashions a broad grin
    belying baseness

  11. PsychoDuck Says:

    Just found this comic
    It is pretty good so far
    Haikus rock

    The Duck Has Spoken.

  12. PsychoDuck Says:

    Oh, crap crap crap crap
    I messed up my first post here
    Last line had just three

    The Duck Has Spoken.

  13. DMC_Run Says:

    Might I recommend Ray Bradbury’s classic:
    “Something Wicked This Way Comes”
    It’s far superior to the film version, which starred Jonathan Pryce & Jason Robards.

  14. Rose Says:


  15. real life carnie Says:

    creepy music drones
    bright lights burning through me
    the show must go on

    the show must go on
    the ringmaster in the sky
    barking “dance clown dance!”

    carnival of life
    next stop… wherever you are
    the show must go on

  16. calan Says:

    Thanks for the haikus everyone 😀

  17. Seraphine Says:

    A lot of people
    don’t get me
    when i’m awake.
    If I fall asleep,
    the clown won’t get me.

  18. Rodro Says:

    bothered by the clowns
    in their made up silly clothes
    at least mimes are quiet

  19. calan Says:

    mimes bug me.

  20. SleepingOrange Says:

    Wide, unblinking eyes,
    Unfaltering manic grin.
    Hector is waiting.

  21. calan Says:


  22. Ekio Says:

    I don’t often shy from clowns, but the one your describing would have bothered me too. I don’t like the monkey’s with symbols but mostly thats from my mother. She fears them and I’ve been shielding her from them as we antique shop for most of my life. (Believe me….there are lots of them. I’ve even seen one that was bigger than most tall men. Imagine coming around the corner to that sight. *shivers*)

    Mimes don’t bother me, in fact they tend to make me laugh. Not by their antics but by the thought that they could be trapped in a clear box that no one else could see. And if that were in sl I could trap them and then shrink them to wearable sizes. Perhaps on a charm bracelet or a pendant. ^-^

  23. calan Says:

    welcome ekio 🙂 it’s funny, i have been to loads of yard sales and antique shops with my mom but i don’t recall ever seeing one of those monkeys with the cymbals. I really think when you are afraid of something it tends to haunt you. I have a thing with palmettos and roaches, far worse than clowns. Clowns just creep me out really, I’m not afraid of them. Anyway, I have loads of horrifying roach/palmetto stories….to the point where I sometimes wonder if i’m not cursed or something in that regard. Is it possible that the fear energy we emit acts as a magnet attracting the very thing we wish to repel? *shrugs*

  24. Ekio Says:

    Heh, I hadn’t thought of it that way. I suppose it could be that. If so…….that would explain why theres always an elmo near me. No wait, thats because I have toddlers. *chuckles*

    But I think you may be right. Its like the car theory, you own a car, you see it everywhere, but prior to buying it you wouldn’t have even noticed it there.

  25. J Says:

    cant sleep the clowns will eat me

  26. Blue Says:

    Pennywise. He’s coming. For me.

    *eye twitch*

    Thank you for bringing back those deadly nightmarish fears of mine XD *covers all the sewer grates near house with titanium…sewer grate covers*

  27. calan Says:

    welcome blue! if you want to rattle those childhood fears even more check out joshua hoffine’s photography based on them!


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