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death-o-matic (haiku)

Wednesday, March 26th, 2008

Chainsaw wielding fantasies. Pretty common stuff among siblings. Okay, maybe not. But, I’d bet my brother fantasized about butchering me plenty of times. Instead, he opted to torture me mentally. After all, you can’t go to jail for following your little sister around with a tape recorder and then playing it over and over while you insult every nuance related to her speech. It’s also perfectly legal to tie a noose around her dolls’ heads and hang them in the doorway of her bedroom. Tying her up and leaving her on the landing at the top of the staircase is probably pushing it, but certainly a less offensive crime than murder. It’s all about reigning in the id impulses I guess. Some of us are better at managing that than others.

I’ve been pretty low key this week. No great adventures to share. I would, however, like to recommend a local event to my readers in the Tampa Bay area that I’ll be attending on Saturday night at the Cuban Club called Sensory Overload. It’s jam packed with live music, visual art exhibitions and performance art. It’s just 10 bucks to get in, unless you want access to the rum festival too, in which case it’s $35. I was checking out an overview of the artists who’ll be featured and saw a lot of stuff that excited me. I doubt you’ll find a cooler place to be between 9pm and 1 am on Saturday, so why not check it out? Come say hello if you think you recognize me. I’ll be sure to pretend I’m someone else!

<3 calan store_deadkitty.gif

14 Responses to “death-o-matic (haiku)”

  1. SleepingOrange Says:

    Steel teeth bite through flesh,
    Starved roar fades to sated growl;
    Gas-powered beast sleeps.

  2. calan Says:

    oooh! nice one SleepingOrange. i love it when you guys put me to shame!

  3. Adam_Y Says:

    Ha, your brother obviously trained at the same torment school as I did… my sister got her revenge by taping over all my albums with her recorder recitals.

    That’s a great haiku, by the way, really like that one.

  4. Seraphine Says:

    erm.. i hate chainsaws
    noisy, noisy like my mind
    why rush the pleasure

  5. Haley Says:

    Somedays I’m overly happy I’m an only child. My cousin did used to lock me in the closet for hours, though, and adorn my pillows with fake wind-up spiders. But that is much less severe than the tape recorder method.

    A chainsaw would not be my choice of killing someone. I get shaky when excited and the last thing I need is to chop off my own arm. :laughs:

  6. coolio Says:

    Screech! Whining music
    Plus screams and begs for mercy
    Make this symphony.

    …Rather dark of me, eh?

    Speaking of Sensory Overload, it sounds awesome. One of the only places who doesn’t overcharge people for original things. Way to go, SO!

  7. calan Says:

    Adam – your sister’s revenge was crueler than anything my brother did by far. argh! to lose my music…can’t even imagine your fury. but, hey she sounds really smart because I can’t imagine how the hell she managed to record over albums.

    Haley – a shaky handed, bumbling serial killer is such a funny idea. maybe we’ll see one on Dexter. I imagine him bleeding out and dying on his first attempt. Too funny!

    Btw, i used to lock myself in the closet so that wouldn’t really work with me. As long as I had a flashlight and a book, I could hunker in there for hours. He did lock me out of the house a lot, several times barefoot in the snow. The only way back in would be to eat these gross marinated mushroom things in the back of the fridge which I would refuse to do…well for a while anyway…eventually the idea of my toes falling off seemed worse than eating rancid mushrooms.

  8. justme Says:

    HA Ha ha ha ha

    Ven’s little fantasy looked like it needed a sound track.

  9. insertnamehere Says:

    beware vendetta
    parts of gingerdead shall bleed
    sister throws parties.

  10. calan Says:

    coolio and justme – you both heard music in this comic. that’s kinda neat 😀

  11. Gabe Lippmann Says:

    a twist and a yank
    brings my companion awake
    and we start to dance

  12. Adam_Y Says:

    Calan, back in the good-old-bad-old days when albums were on tape, you could record over them with a bit of sellotape over the tab in the corner… I learned that from my sister.

    Oh, and rancid fridge mushrooms… nice.

  13. calan Says:

    Gabe – Simply lovely. You know you were part of the inspiration behind this one, but it’s best we don’t talk about your extra curricular activities when all of the internet’s listening. O.o

    Adam – I remember those days too 😛 I thought you meant actual albums, like vinyls you know and I thought how on earth?! She must be some girl genius mad scientist or something. Cassette tapes are another story. Easy, Peasy.

  14. DMC_Run Says:

    Sam Raimi himself has said that any film is improved by the use of a chainsaw.
    You no doubt recall his “Evil Dead” Trillogy, & “Spider-Man 2”.

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